Wednesday, 25 May 2016

The Heart Attack and the Nun

Bedlam Humour

This joke was kindly sent in by Joyce and Roy Critchlow, of Newcastle-under-Lyme.

You don't have to be a Roman Catholic to appreciate this

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a shopping centre. The security guards called 112 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.
A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?"  
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." 
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" 
He replied, "No money in the bank." 
"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the now irritated nun. 
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun." 
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God. 
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Monday, 2 May 2016

The Young Bride

Bedlam Humour

This joke was sent in by Joyce and Roy Critchlow. Hope you like it

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.

"I had tolio as a child," he answered.

"You mean polio?" she asked.

" No, tolio . The disease only affected my toes."

When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked, " What's wrong with your knees ? They're all lumpy and deformed!"

"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.

"You mean measles?" she asked.

"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees ."

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear. "Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess...

. . . . .er . . .SMALLCOX ? ? ?