Thinking of going to Rio for the World Cup?
You might want to think again. Catch this video of a woman being interviewed about street robbery in Rio - and then being robbed while she is being interviewed....
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads..."
Husband takes the wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"
An Irishmen wanting to become a priest went to see the Bishop who said "To be considered for priesthood you must answer three questions on the Bible". First - Who was born in a stable?"
"Red Rum" he replied
"Second - What do you think of Damascus ?"
"It kills 99% of all germs" he replied.
"Third question - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive ?"
"That’s easy" he said "Popeye kicked the shit out of them - now when do I start?"
Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Paddy, I'm afraid you’ve got sugar diabetes.”
Paddy says, “No problem. Nice one, when do I fight him?”
Eileen and her husband Bob went for counselling after 25 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!
Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused. The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week.. Can you do this?'
Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays .....
But on Tuesdays ,Thursdays and Fridays I play bowls ...
I just took a leaflet out of my letterbox,informing me that I can have sex at 82
I'm so happy, because I live at 74____ So It's not far for me to walk home afterwards