Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Bedlam Humour: Paddy and the Mail Order Catalogue

Bedlam Humour

This joke was sent in by Fred Ashford

Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue. Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too."

Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"

3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"

"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday!!

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Nick the dragon slayer

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Bedlam Humour: Nick the Dragon Slayer

Bedlam Humour

This joke was sent in by Ed Goldstraw from Leek, Staffs.
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with queenly large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick readily agreed to the scheme

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.

Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that, among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers.. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and was hailed by both the King and Queen as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear.

The King immediately summoned Nick . .
--------------------------------
The moral is, Always Pay your Bills

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Do the Maths

Monday, 9 December 2013

Do the Maths

Bedlam Humour
Thanks to Ed Goldstraw for sending this joke
The owner of a business was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from University and I need some help. If I were to give you £20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'

The secretary thought a moment and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'

Next post - Bedlam Humour: British Red Uniforms
--------------------------------------------------


Why not try this Millionaire Romance

Thursday, 5 December 2013

Bedlam Humour: Why British Soldiers Wore Red Uniforms

Bedlam Humour

This is from Jack Chambers.

Why did the British wear red coats in battle?
During the royal wedding, millions around the world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous British "red coat." Many people have asked, "Why did the British wear red coats in battle?" 
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured a British Colonel.They took him to their headquarters and the French General began to question him. Finally, as an afterthought, the French General asked, "Why do British officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?" 

In his casual, matter-of-fact, way, the officer informed the General that the reason British officers wear red coats is that if they are wounded, the blood won't show…and the men they are leading won't panic. 

And that is why, from that day forward, all French Army officers have worn brown trousers….

Sunday, 1 December 2013

Bedlam Humour: Little Old Lady and the Vacuum Salesman

Bedlam Humour


Jack Chambers sent in this joke
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners...

' 'Go away!' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' And she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open... ''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration..''

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

''Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.''

The old lady stepped back and said, ''Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Commando

Friday, 29 November 2013

Bedlam Humour: Commando?

Bedlam Humour

Another joke sent in by Ed Goldstraw
During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level. 

I described a typical day, "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank eight beers."
Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man! Are you an ex-commando?"
"No," I replied, "I'm just a shit golfer."

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Johnny's black eye

Bedlam Humour: Johnny's Black Eye

Bedlam Humour
Ed Goldstraw sent me this joke
Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.

After a number of times of this happening, the teacher became increasingly worried and asked him about it.

Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my father asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."

So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".

The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive shiner again.

"My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"

He turns to explain: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my mother started moving {you know} at the same time. Mom was breathing heavy and kicking her legs all over the place while squealing like a demented hyena on the bed".... Then my father asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.

They don't usually go anywhere without me so i said 'Wait for me..."

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Middle-Aged Affair

Saturday, 23 November 2013

Bedlam Humour: A Middle-Aged Affair

Bedlam Humour

Thanks to Jack Chambers for this funny joke:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, 'Not this time!'

Thursday, 21 November 2013

Bedlam Humour: The Blonde City Girl

Bedlam Humour

Jack Chambers sent this joke:
Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
So then the farmer leaves for the fields.
After a while, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Carol takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one...right here.'
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, 'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?'
'That's simple; by the nail over its stall', Carol explains very confidently.
Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'
She turns and starts to walk away and with complete confidence, says over her shoulder,

'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.'

Saturday, 14 September 2013

Bedlam Humour: Ugly Mug

Bedlam Humour

Haha - Ugly mug.

Blobfish 3 Absolutely Rare   Blobfish


Apparently this fish - a blobfish (Psychrolutes marcidus) - is unofficially the ugliest creature on earth...


Next post - Bedlam Humour: Steep Road

Thursday, 12 September 2013

Bedlam Humour - A steep road?

Bedlam Humour

A Steep Road

Some people have no idea how to keep their vehicle on the right track....lol



Next post - Bedlam Humour: Plane Landing

Wednesday, 11 September 2013

Bedlam Humour - Scary Stuff - Plane Landing

Bedlam Humour


This was sent in by retired international model Micheline de Marsac - scary stuff



Next post - Bedlam Humour - Real Biker

Bedlam Humour - A Real Biker

Bedlam Humour

A Real Biker:
Wow, someone gave his bike some 'welly', hahaha. How the hell do you do that?

Couple Sex - joke


Bedlam Humour

Jack Chambers sent in this joke.
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is a couple sex?

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities that go along with it.
 

 When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?

The little girl replied, "Well, Grandma says to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.”

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Helpful Old Guys 

Friday, 6 September 2013

Bedlam Humour: Helpful Old Guys

Bedlam Humour

This is another joke from Jack Chambers

Helpful Old Guys
I was in Home Depot the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart. I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

Most old guys are helpful like that.
Next post - Bedlam Humour: Taxman and Rabbi

Monday, 2 September 2013

The Taxman and the Rabbi

Bedlam Humour

This is another joke from Jack Chambers


The taxman and the Rabbi:
At the end of the tax year the tax office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said; ‘I notice that you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?’
 
‘Good question,’ noted the Rabbi. ‘We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, then, once a year they send us a free box of candles.’
‘Oh,’ replied the inspector, somewhat peeved that his unusual question had such a practical answer. But he went on in his obnoxious way. ‘What about all the Holy biscuits, what do you do with all the crumbs?’
‘We do the same,’ said the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to catch him out, ‘and once a year the biscuit people send us a free box of biscuits.’
‘I see,’ said the auditor, thinking hard how he could he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. ‘Well, Rabbi,’ he went on, ‘what do you do with all the left over foreskins from the circumcisions that you perform?’
‘Here, too, we do not waste,’ answered the Rabbi, ‘we save up all the foreskins and send them to the tax office and once a year, about now, they send us a complete dick!’

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Time Machine

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Obama's Time Machine

Bedlam Humour

Thanks to Ed Goldstraw of Leek in Staffordshire, for sending this joke.
Barack Obama and David Cameron are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each.

Barack goes first. “What will the USA be like in 100 years time?”

The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out "The country is in good hands under the new president, crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries”

David thinks “It's not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that” so he asks: “What will Great Britain be like in 100 years time?”

The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout. But he just stares at it.

“Come on David” says Barack, “What does it say”

David replies, “Buggered if I know! It's all in Arabic!”

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Brushes with Death
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Thomson Holidays Abandon Old Age Pensioners in Jerusalem



Monday, 12 August 2013

Brushes With Death

Bedlam Humour 

 Brushes With Death

This was sent to me by ex-international model, Micheline de Marsac.

video


Next post - Bedlam Humour: Thomson Holidays in Jerusalem

Sunday, 11 August 2013

Thomson Holiday Tour Guide Abandons Pensioners in Jerusalem


Bedlam

Old Age Pensioners Abandoned in Jerusalem by Thomson Holiday Tour Guide

A trip to the Holy Land. Wonderful.

We were on vacation in Cyprus in the Hotel Avanti, Paphos, and fancied a tour of Egypt to celebrate a big birthday. However, the political tension and rioting put us off.

Instead, although we were not with them, the Thomson Holiday rep, Jodi, said they could offer a 24 hour trip to Israel to Jerusalem, to the Holy Land.

We jumped at the chance. We expected the experience to be incredible. What we didn’t expect, was the constant stream of politically-biased crap from the Israeli Thomson Tour Guide; and worse, to be abandoned by him.

His name was Shadi. For some reason the Thomson Holiday Tour Guide in Israel was of Arab descent. He made political remarks throughout the coach trip, and was more interested in taking us to shops (where he perhaps took back-handers) than to the Holy Sites of Jerusalem.

He did eventually take us around some sites; then after showing us the place of the Last Supper, indicated where the toilets were.

My wife and I took advantage of the comfort break, but when we came out, the whole party had disappeared.

We were lost in the middle of Jerusalem - abandoned by the Thomson Tour Guide called Shadi.

Abandoned by Thomson Holiday Tour Guide

The Thomson guide had moved away without checking that everyone was present. He apparently expected the other tourists to do this job for him. But the blame was all his. The Thomson Holiday guide, Shadi, abandoned us in the middle of Jerusalem.

We had no idea what to do, or where to go. We dashed hither and thither to see if there were signs of the party but there was nothing. Panic set in.

It was a terrifying experience. Our valuables - including passports were stowed on the coach on his advice - but we had no idea where the coach was.

We were forsaken, deserted without documents; pensioners abandoned in a foreign country. It was a thing of nightmares.

What should have been a special birthday celebration had become a confusion of deliria.

It had been a 2am start, a long coach trip, a flight to Tel Aviv, and another coach trip. We were tired, bewildered, had no idea what to do or where to go, and were out of our minds with worry.

Eventually, a Polynesian tour guide took pity on us, and came to our aid. She phoned relentlessly, until in the end, by some magical means, she located who had left us, and arranged where we should be picked up. This lady became our saviour.

Thank you to that wonderful Angel of Mercy from Polynesia. I wish her well. I wish all the shit of the world on the head of the Thomson Tour Guide.

On our repatriation with the coach, the Thomson guide ignored us, and offered no apology, no explanation, no justification, even though we had been scared out of our minds, and had also missed a number of important Holy Sites that we had paid a lot of money to see. Shadi, you are a shit of a man.

What can be learned from being abandoned by the Thomson Tour Guide
  • When on tour, never let your passport out of your person no matter what the guide tells you.
  • Always know the phone number of your guide, or someone who might be of help
  • Always note the name and licence-plate of the coach you are on
  •  Never go to the toilet. If you really must take a toilet break, make sure someone in the group knows.

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Review of NHS 

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

joke - Review of Britain's NHS

Bedlam Humour

Elsie Smith has sent me another joke and I thought you might enjoy it as well.

Review of Britain's NHS system
  1. The British Medical Association has weighed in on the new Prime Minister David Cameron's health care proposals.
  2. The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
  3. The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
  4. The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.
  5. Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
  6. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"
  7. The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
  8. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The ENT specialists wouldn’t hear of it.
  9. The Internists thought it was a diagnosis in haste, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."
  10. The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
  11. The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
  12. The Pharmacists were left to contemplate the bitter pill, The Opticians could not see any light at the end of the tunnel.
  13. In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the arseholes in London .. 
Brill joke, Elsie. Thanks.

Next post - Bedlam Humour: The Duck Hunter

Monday, 10 June 2013

The Duck Hunter

Bedlam Humour

Jack Chambers sent in this joke
A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a pee. He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor. "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin. There was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all the pellets."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive pellet damage done to your penis, so I'm going to refer you to my sister."

"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the London Symphony Orchestra and she will teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

Next post - Bedlam Humour: The Irishman and the Muslim 

Saturday, 8 June 2013

The Irishman and the Muslim

Bedlam Humour

This is from Jack Chambers
A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He looked at her in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"
Paddy immediately handed his drink back and said, "Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice!"

Next post: Bedlam Humour: Penis Size 

Monday, 3 June 2013

Penis Size

Bedlam Humour

This apparently is true

AVERAGE PENIS SIZE BY SELECTED COUNTRIES

Republic of Congo - 7.1
Ecuador - 7
Ghana - 6.8
Columbia - 6.7
Iceland - 6.5
Italy - 6.2
South Africa - 6
Sweden - 5.9
Greece - 5.8
Germany - 5.7
New Zealand - 5.5
UK - 5.5
Canada - 5.5
Spain - 5.5
France - 5.3
Australia - 5.2
Russia - 5.2
USA - 5.1
Ireland - 5
Romania - 5
China - 4.3
India - 4
China - 4
Thailand - 4
South Korea - 3.8
North Korea - 3.8

Saturday, 25 May 2013

72 Virgins

Bedlam Humour

This has been sent in by Micheline de Marsac
An 18-year-old suicide bomber blew himself up, his mentors having promised him 72 virgins in Heaven as reward.

He appeared before God. and said, "I have a request, since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I have never been with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who won't know what to do, can I have 72 whores?"

God regarded him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in Heaven because arseholes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty."

The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?"

God replied, "Who said they were women?"

Monday, 13 May 2013

Friday, 3 May 2013

Be Aware

Bedlam

Motorists everywhere - Please Be Aware



Tuesday, 16 April 2013

Are My Testicles Black?

Bedlam Humour

This has been sent in by John and Maureen Evans from Alcalali in Spain - which is close to where I live.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again through his mask, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"

Nice one John - is this from personal experience....Lol

Thursday, 11 April 2013

The Italian Funeral



Bedlam Humour

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The Italian man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.. Until ....
"Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied, "Get in line."

Thursday, 28 March 2013

Friday, 22 March 2013

The Handsome Man

Bedlam Humour

This joke was sent in by Elsie Smith of Leek in Staffordshire

A handsome Lebanese was sitting in a posh restaurant in the States. He asked a waiter to take the most expensive bottle of Wine to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cosy corner.
Waiter brought in the elitist wine bottle & took the bottle to the woman and said, 'Excuse me lady, this precious bottle is from that gentleman who is seated over there.' ..and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the bottle coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was staying nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a BMW in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants.'

After reading the note, the Lebanese decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read:  'Just to let you know, things aren't always what they appear to be. I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Spain , Aspen & Miami , and a
10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, even for a woman as beautiful as you are, I am not going to cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back pls.'
 

Sunday, 3 March 2013

Two Benidorm Tornados

Bedlam

Jack Chambers has sent this video of two tornado just off the coast at Villajosa, just down the road from Benidorm resort in Alicante, Spain. I note there are no sun-worshippers out like they usually are...


Monday, 18 February 2013

Supermarket Scam

Bedlam Humour

Here's another joke from Jack Chambers...

Over the last month I have become a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into the supermarket for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience.

Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking voluptuous 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another supermarket.
You agree and they both get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing, until both are completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, touching you intimately, and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen September 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. On October 1st, 4th, 6th, 10th and 13th and twice yesterday.
So please warn all the older men you know to be on the lookout for this scam.

PS. The best times seem to be just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.

Thursday, 14 February 2013

Friday, 8 February 2013

Monday, 4 February 2013

Senior Moment

Bedlam Humour

Hahaha! Love this - having a senior moment

Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Monday, 28 January 2013

Crystal Windows, Spain



Bedlam

Crystal Windows
Mostly I have a rant and slap out brickbats about the standard of work by certain firms on the Costa Blanca. Today I'm handing out bouquets.

It's not often I pat a company on the back out here in Spain, but CRYSTAL WINDOWS, DOORS, & CONSERVATORIES  S.L. located in Pedreguer, Costa Blanca, deserve high praise.

In early December we had aging wooden doors and windows replaced with double glazed units. There are a number of companies to choose from out here, and most seem of reasonable quality.

We chose Crystal Windows because
  • They speak my language, 
  • Were much cheaper than the competition, 
  • The units were more stylish than others we saw, 
  • They were very well constructed. 
The company actually construct the units at the site in Pedregeur and invite you to look around the high-tech workshops.

The installation was completed efficiently, cleanly, and on the date promised. The workmen were very polite. I simply could not have asked for more.

During the last few weeks we suffered high winds in the area and it highlighted a slight problem. The windows facing the winds had minor draughts from corners. Today I telephoned the company and asked if they could help me.

To my shock the lady in the office said a workman would be there within the hour if it was convenient.

The man arrived in less than an hour, politely apologized for any aggravation caused, then checked and corrected the problems. He went on to check the rest of the installation to make sure we hadn't missed any problems.

So bravo to Crystal Windows. Good luck to anyone who provides good service at a reasonable price.








Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Ancestors



Bedlam
 Ancestors

 I thought this statement about ancestors from Linda Hogan, profound.
 I love it.



Thursday, 10 January 2013

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Meerkats Are Wonderful, Meerkats Are Great...

Bedlam

I just couldn't resist this picture of meerkats - they're so funny...

Friday, 4 January 2013

Cool Stretch

Bedlam

If I have to be honest, stretch limousines don't do anything for me. In general think they're ugly and flashy.

In the land of glitz, this one is just plain cool

Cool Stretch limousine??

Thursday, 3 January 2013

True Love

Bedlam

I just couldn't resist posting this lovely shot from a Twitter friend

True Love

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

Wow!

Bedlam

Wow, I just love this shot. Wish I knew where it was...
There are some places where you'd just love to visit - this is for me