Thanks to Jack Chambers for sending me these jokes.
A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.Thanks for the funnies, Jack. Great stuff, like normal.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"
Paddy handed his drink back and said, "Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice!"
Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"
Paddy replies "I don’t know! Its your f***ing plane!!"
Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I’m going to have the day off, I’m going to pretend I’m mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down & shouts, "I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!" Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
"I can’t work in the friggin dark! " says Murphy.
Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says, "I wonder how the girls are getting on"
Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour’s dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says "To hell with this!" & storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks, "What did you do?"
Paddy replies "I’ve put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!"
Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick says, "Crikey! There’s a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says, "What’s his name?"
Mick replies "Somebody called Miles, says here he’s from London!"
- Next post on Bedlam.