Monday, 29 December 2008

Ignorant drivers.

Bedlam View

I don't think I'll ever get my head around the driving over here in Spain. No one seems to understand the rules of the road.

Drivers standing

For example, we drove down our narrow little lane to the village, via the bridge. It's the ONLY access route. We live in the campo, on the low rise to one of the the sierras - one road in, one road out, no choice.

As we neared the bridge there were several cars in a queue, drivers standing around. We drew up and waited .... and waited .... and waited. Eventually I got out to see what the problem was - two cars on the bridge, both within a couple of metres of our end of the bridge, both waiting to come over to our side - except nothing was moving.

I wandered over but no one occupied the front car, the second car was stuck behind, the guy in it held out his hands in a shrug - he obviously hadn't a clue why he was stuck ... the people in the queue in front of me seemed no better informed. The people waiting on the far side of the bridge must have been no better off.

I wandered back - waited - nothing - got more pissed off.

Nursery

After what seemed like forever, a young woman, carrying a youngster, appeared from the nursery school just on our side of the bridge. She made her way to the front car and calmly fitted the youngster into a car seat.

At this point the woman in the car in front of me could hold it back no longer, jumped out, ran to her, waving her hands, screaching a torrent of Spanish. I hadn't a clue what was said - I can only just about get through my shopping. The young woman with the child, screached back even louder, and fun was had by all.

When the woman eventually returned to the car in front she offered a garbled explanation - which made me no better off - I hadn't a clue what was said. The young woman with the child, started her car and drove towards us - clearing the bridge - and shoved a single finger in the air at the woman in front.

Ignorant bitch

What had gone on, why was she parked - I have no idea. I just know that for some reason the ignorant bitch decided that parking on the bridge was an okay thing to do - buggar everyone else.... she wanted to do it, so do it she did.

If you're reading this, young woman with child - DON'T DO IT AGAIN - you absolutely piss me off - and all the others .... You might just end up with your car pushed over the bridge...




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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing


End of post - Ignorant drivers
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Saturday, 27 December 2008

Jalon flea market

Bedlam Post -

Flash trash and cash. Find it at the Jalon rastro. A flea market by any other name...
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. A sight not to be missed!
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We decided to finish the Christmas holiday weekend by strolling through the Rastro alongside the local river bed - a flea market to you. Took a few pics to let you know what the local sights are like.







It's so very true. One man's rubbish is another man's treasure.







Try the Jalon 'Rastro' any Saturday morning and you'll see trash, flash, and cash in all it's glory.
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You'll have to learn how to barter though, otherwise you might pay well over the odds.



The rastro owners expect you to be well versed...



Or you might just find something you never dreamed of.... and never wanted anyway...
*** Jalon rastro, Jalon rastro, Jalon rastro, Jalon rastro ***

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of post - Flash trash and cash. Find it at the Jalon rastro






Saturday, 20 December 2008

Politically correct madness again

Bedlam View.

The politically correct mob is acting in a mob-handed way again.

Just what is wrong with modern thinking? Don’t they understand that when discipline flies out of the window there is anarchy? Can’t the daft beggars see just how they’re destroying the very fabric of society? The damage has already been done- the streets are already dangerous.

The Untouchables.

Kids, teenagers, in fact whole families, are growing up in the belief that they are untouchable, that they can do what they wish without punishment.

The latest to be caught up in the in the stupidity is a British schoolteacher. He’s been suspended after making his poor-old pupils do push-ups as a reprimand for arriving late to class.

Ian Jennison, a representative for the National Union of Teachers, said the action could have a knock-on effect on how teachers dealt with their students in the future.

"It's political correctness gone mad. The repercussions are quite far-reaching," Jennison said. "If this man is sacked for this, teachers are not going to take kids on trips, if two kids are having a fight they won't intervene, because they will be too worried."

Pupils suggested it

The REALLY stupid part of it is the pupils themselves democratically thought up the reprimand. Jennison said the whole class had discussed different punishments for latecomers and that it was pupils who suggested push-ups.

I have no patience with do-gooders interfering with professionals. Discipline is necessary. Rules and regulations are there to maintain a healthy society – the attitude should be instilled from the earliest age –

  • Next post on Bedlam - Joke.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of post - Politically correct madness again
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Tuesday, 9 December 2008

Joke - The perfect couple

Bedlam Humour.

Every now and then I receive a joke that just need to be watched. This was sent to me by my good friend Micheline de Marsac. I hope you enjoy.

click here

And follow the very easy instructions. Tell me what you think.

More Jokes.

Monday, 8 December 2008

Japanese polar bear mix up

Bedlam Post





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Perplexed.

Specialists were perplexed by the lack of ardour between Tsuyoshi, a polar bear named after a popular male Japanese baseball player, and a female bear called Kurumi.

Following six months of living together at Kushiro Zoo in the Japanes northern island of Hokkaido, zookeepers were puzzled that there had been no passionate goings-on between the pair.

Polar Bear hair

In the end, Tsuyoshi was put under anaesthetic in order to undergo a check up to see if the gender bits were all in working order …. and after conducting DNA tests on the polar bear's hair, zookeepers were astounded to be informed that he was in fact a she.

I must say it’s understandable. I wouldn’t want to investigate to see whether things were dangling properly. I can’t see a polar bear being too pleased to have its vital bits toyed with…. And just HOW do you see through all that white-stuff….

Jokes - The things kids say.

Bedlam Humour

I'm reliably informed that most of these are true ..... make up your own mind.

Psst.

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
'You did WHAT ? ! ?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,'explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move.'

A drink please

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....' 'What?' 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad....' 'WHAT?' 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
'I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....''WHAT!' 'When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?'

The door.

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven, behaving like that?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door.'
'And just what good d'you think that will do?'
'Well I'll do it until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''

Can I sleep in your bed

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room'
There was a long silence until at last he said in a shaky little voice: 'The big sissy'

A right bitch

It was the time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, 'Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron.'

Rather fat

When she was six months pregnant with her third child, her three year old came into the room when mom was just getting ready to get into the shower. The little girl said, 'Mommy, you are getting fat!'
Mom replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.'
'I know all about that,' the little girl said, 'But what's growing in your butt?'

Two and two

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....'
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'
The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mom.'
'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked.
'Yes ,' he answered.
The mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?'
The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?'
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'

Not his

A little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.'
Her mother told her this was wrong, that she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.'
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'

Smoothie

A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the boys?' Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, 'If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'





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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing



End of post - Jokes - The things kids say.
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Saturday, 6 December 2008

Job picture could get even worse!!!

Bedlam Viewpoint

According to CNNMoney.com, during November, the U.S. economy shed jobs at the fastest rate in 34 years - and experts say December could be even worse.

And it isn’t just the US suffering, the world seems to have gone into economic meltdown – the UK, Europe, Asia, the Middle East are all the same.

Okay, so I admit I’m a little na├»ve, but I have to raise the question ….. Why?

Where has the money gone? Who stole it? Has the wealth of the world disappeared overnight?

How can the whole world catch pneumonia just because America sneezed? The world resources are still the same (apart from the bits that are used like oil), the total money in the world is the same, total gold reserves, copper reserves, diamond reserves are the same. What the hell is going on?

Recession.

To my way of thinking, the world has gone into panic mode and TALKED itself into recession.

I can understand a couple of countries doing badly whilst another couple do well – things remain in balance – not nice for the poor buggars doing badly, but fine for those doing well. What I can’t come to terms with is EVERYONE doing badly. The wealth is still there somewhere, surely …. Or is it stashed in the coffers of fat-cat bankers?

Maybe the problem is the daft people in power have frightened everyone into holding onto purse-string too tightly. Maybe they ought to say, ‘hang on folks, we got it wrong, we aren’t poor after all’, then people would start to spend again, and wow, the money goes around – no recession!

Okay, so here’s the Barnett theorum to ending the recession – SPEND your way out, guys. Put your hands in your pockets and stop being such a scaredy-cats.


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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing
End of post - Job picture could get even worse.
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Thursday, 4 December 2008

California, global warming, and the rising level of sea

Bedlam Viewpoint

It seems the govenor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, still thinks he's in the movies and can perform miracles.

Arnold Schwarzenegger to the rescue.

Apparently on Friday, he ordered preparations to be made against rising sea levels from global warming.

Not a bad ideal - except it's rather a hefty project considering California is the most populous U.S. state with a Pacific Ocean coastline stretching more than 800 miles (1,290 km).

Some job - definitely needs an Arnie to complete it.



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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing



End of post - Arnold Schwarzenegger to the rescue.

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

Holiday resort in Australia has nude party

Bedlam Viewpoint

They say sex sells - anything. So how about pumping up those numbers for your local holiday resorts?

Nude Party

Australia seem to be taking it to heart in a BIG way. The White Cockatoo resort in Queensland are about to launch a month-long, nude, anything-goes party.

The White Cockatoo? I wonder if they realised the connotation before they decided on the venue? If the nude party goes on for a whole month they might think of changing the resort name to A Sunburnt Cock-or-two!

WOW! Month-long! The mind boggles. Some stamina flying around there by the sound of it. Oh to be young again.

Best left covered

The resort chiefs are trying to combat an expected economic downturn by giving the green light to sex. Nude bodies will abound and anything goes - just imagine all that romping, cavorting, nakedness - mind you, some bodies are best left covered, don't you think.

I think I'd better have a cup of tea to calm me down - well a coffee and brandy.




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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing



End of post - Holiday resort in Australia, has nude party

Monday, 1 December 2008

Benidorm cooks the golden goose

Bedlam Viewpoint



How to kill off tourism in one stroke
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There’s something drastically wrong with Spanish logic – if it exists at all. I don’t think I’ll ever get my head around it. In particular, the Spanish in the Valencia region seem hell bent on killing the goose that lays the golden egg.

In strained financial times, you’d think the councillors of Benidorm would do something to attract visitors. Not so! In fact, the latest piece of stupid legislation is beyond belief. This week, the Council are thinking of introducing fines for people using the beach ‘in an inappropriate way’.
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Don't dare walk on the sand
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The Council has decided to introduce fines of up to 750 euros for ‘offenders’ who have the audacity to WALK on the beach between the hours of midnight and 07:00hrs because they will have swept the sand and don’t want the looks spoiled.

If you go for an early morning swim (after 07:00 hrs of course), make sure your umbrella is not near the water’s edge otherwise you might be fined 150 euros.

Fines for playing ball
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Fancy building a sand castle? A fine of 120 euros will now punish this decadent form of recreation. Fined 120 euros for building sandcastles, are they bloody mad! Playing ball will incur a similar fine. The staggeringly stupid Council seem intent on strangling the ’golden goose’.

They absolutely piss me off!
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Law is corrupt
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When are those in charge going to realise that without tourism the area will die. The Spanish have already shown absolute contempt for ex-patriots with the legally corrupt Valencia land grab laws. Now they believe they owe nothing to tourists. This sort of attitude not only displays an absolute lack of intelligence, it is sheer, bloody, arrogance. The sole reasons for their wealth is tourism and ex-patriots. Yet, they abuse both at every opportunity.

As far as I can see, the Spanish deserve to lose it all. I wish them misfortune.

My advice is DON’T COME TO SPAIN FOR YOUR HOLIDAYS OR TO LIVE – the Spanish don’t want you.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing
End of post - Benidorm cooks the golden goose