Monday, 29 December 2008

Ignorant drivers.

Bedlam View

I don't think I'll ever get my head around the driving over here in Spain. No one seems to understand the rules of the road.

Drivers standing

For example, we drove down our narrow little lane to the village, via the bridge. It's the ONLY access route. We live in the campo, on the low rise to one of the the sierras - one road in, one road out, no choice.

As we neared the bridge there were several cars in a queue, drivers standing around. We drew up and waited .... and waited .... and waited. Eventually I got out to see what the problem was - two cars on the bridge, both within a couple of metres of our end of the bridge, both waiting to come over to our side - except nothing was moving.

I wandered over but no one occupied the front car, the second car was stuck behind, the guy in it held out his hands in a shrug - he obviously hadn't a clue why he was stuck ... the people in the queue in front of me seemed no better informed. The people waiting on the far side of the bridge must have been no better off.

I wandered back - waited - nothing - got more pissed off.

Nursery

After what seemed like forever, a young woman, carrying a youngster, appeared from the nursery school just on our side of the bridge. She made her way to the front car and calmly fitted the youngster into a car seat.

At this point the woman in the car in front of me could hold it back no longer, jumped out, ran to her, waving her hands, screaching a torrent of Spanish. I hadn't a clue what was said - I can only just about get through my shopping. The young woman with the child, screached back even louder, and fun was had by all.

When the woman eventually returned to the car in front she offered a garbled explanation - which made me no better off - I hadn't a clue what was said. The young woman with the child, started her car and drove towards us - clearing the bridge - and shoved a single finger in the air at the woman in front.

Ignorant bitch

What had gone on, why was she parked - I have no idea. I just know that for some reason the ignorant bitch decided that parking on the bridge was an okay thing to do - buggar everyone else.... she wanted to do it, so do it she did.

If you're reading this, young woman with child - DON'T DO IT AGAIN - you absolutely piss me off - and all the others .... You might just end up with your car pushed over the bridge...




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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing


End of post - Ignorant drivers
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Saturday, 27 December 2008

Jalon flea market

Bedlam Post -

Flash trash and cash. Find it at the Jalon rastro. A flea market by any other name...
.



. A sight not to be missed!
..

We decided to finish the Christmas holiday weekend by strolling through the Rastro alongside the local river bed - a flea market to you. Took a few pics to let you know what the local sights are like.







It's so very true. One man's rubbish is another man's treasure.







Try the Jalon 'Rastro' any Saturday morning and you'll see trash, flash, and cash in all it's glory.
.


You'll have to learn how to barter though, otherwise you might pay well over the odds.



The rastro owners expect you to be well versed...



Or you might just find something you never dreamed of.... and never wanted anyway...
*** Jalon rastro, Jalon rastro, Jalon rastro, Jalon rastro ***

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of post - Flash trash and cash. Find it at the Jalon rastro






Saturday, 20 December 2008

Politically correct madness again

Bedlam View.

The politically correct mob is acting in a mob-handed way again.

Just what is wrong with modern thinking? Don’t they understand that when discipline flies out of the window there is anarchy? Can’t the daft beggars see just how they’re destroying the very fabric of society? The damage has already been done- the streets are already dangerous.

The Untouchables.

Kids, teenagers, in fact whole families, are growing up in the belief that they are untouchable, that they can do what they wish without punishment.

The latest to be caught up in the in the stupidity is a British schoolteacher. He’s been suspended after making his poor-old pupils do push-ups as a reprimand for arriving late to class.

Ian Jennison, a representative for the National Union of Teachers, said the action could have a knock-on effect on how teachers dealt with their students in the future.

"It's political correctness gone mad. The repercussions are quite far-reaching," Jennison said. "If this man is sacked for this, teachers are not going to take kids on trips, if two kids are having a fight they won't intervene, because they will be too worried."

Pupils suggested it

The REALLY stupid part of it is the pupils themselves democratically thought up the reprimand. Jennison said the whole class had discussed different punishments for latecomers and that it was pupils who suggested push-ups.

I have no patience with do-gooders interfering with professionals. Discipline is necessary. Rules and regulations are there to maintain a healthy society – the attitude should be instilled from the earliest age –

  • Next post on Bedlam - Joke.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of post - Politically correct madness again
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Tuesday, 9 December 2008

Joke - The perfect couple

Bedlam Humour.

Every now and then I receive a joke that just need to be watched. This was sent to me by my good friend Micheline de Marsac. I hope you enjoy.

click here

And follow the very easy instructions. Tell me what you think.

More Jokes.

Monday, 8 December 2008

Japanese polar bear mix up

Bedlam Post





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.
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..
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Perplexed.

Specialists were perplexed by the lack of ardour between Tsuyoshi, a polar bear named after a popular male Japanese baseball player, and a female bear called Kurumi.

Following six months of living together at Kushiro Zoo in the Japanes northern island of Hokkaido, zookeepers were puzzled that there had been no passionate goings-on between the pair.

Polar Bear hair

In the end, Tsuyoshi was put under anaesthetic in order to undergo a check up to see if the gender bits were all in working order …. and after conducting DNA tests on the polar bear's hair, zookeepers were astounded to be informed that he was in fact a she.

I must say it’s understandable. I wouldn’t want to investigate to see whether things were dangling properly. I can’t see a polar bear being too pleased to have its vital bits toyed with…. And just HOW do you see through all that white-stuff….

Jokes - The things kids say.

Bedlam Humour

I'm reliably informed that most of these are true ..... make up your own mind.

Psst.

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
'You did WHAT ? ! ?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,'explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move.'

A drink please

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....' 'What?' 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad....' 'WHAT?' 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
'I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....''WHAT!' 'When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?'

The door.

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven, behaving like that?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door.'
'And just what good d'you think that will do?'
'Well I'll do it until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''

Can I sleep in your bed

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room'
There was a long silence until at last he said in a shaky little voice: 'The big sissy'

A right bitch

It was the time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, 'Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron.'

Rather fat

When she was six months pregnant with her third child, her three year old came into the room when mom was just getting ready to get into the shower. The little girl said, 'Mommy, you are getting fat!'
Mom replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.'
'I know all about that,' the little girl said, 'But what's growing in your butt?'

Two and two

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....'
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'
The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mom.'
'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked.
'Yes ,' he answered.
The mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?'
The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?'
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'

Not his

A little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.'
Her mother told her this was wrong, that she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.'
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'

Smoothie

A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the boys?' Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, 'If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'





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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing



End of post - Jokes - The things kids say.
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Saturday, 6 December 2008

Job picture could get even worse!!!

Bedlam Viewpoint

According to CNNMoney.com, during November, the U.S. economy shed jobs at the fastest rate in 34 years - and experts say December could be even worse.

And it isn’t just the US suffering, the world seems to have gone into economic meltdown – the UK, Europe, Asia, the Middle East are all the same.

Okay, so I admit I’m a little naïve, but I have to raise the question ….. Why?

Where has the money gone? Who stole it? Has the wealth of the world disappeared overnight?

How can the whole world catch pneumonia just because America sneezed? The world resources are still the same (apart from the bits that are used like oil), the total money in the world is the same, total gold reserves, copper reserves, diamond reserves are the same. What the hell is going on?

Recession.

To my way of thinking, the world has gone into panic mode and TALKED itself into recession.

I can understand a couple of countries doing badly whilst another couple do well – things remain in balance – not nice for the poor buggars doing badly, but fine for those doing well. What I can’t come to terms with is EVERYONE doing badly. The wealth is still there somewhere, surely …. Or is it stashed in the coffers of fat-cat bankers?

Maybe the problem is the daft people in power have frightened everyone into holding onto purse-string too tightly. Maybe they ought to say, ‘hang on folks, we got it wrong, we aren’t poor after all’, then people would start to spend again, and wow, the money goes around – no recession!

Okay, so here’s the Barnett theorum to ending the recession – SPEND your way out, guys. Put your hands in your pockets and stop being such a scaredy-cats.


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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing
End of post - Job picture could get even worse.
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Thursday, 4 December 2008

California, global warming, and the rising level of sea

Bedlam Viewpoint

It seems the govenor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, still thinks he's in the movies and can perform miracles.

Arnold Schwarzenegger to the rescue.

Apparently on Friday, he ordered preparations to be made against rising sea levels from global warming.

Not a bad ideal - except it's rather a hefty project considering California is the most populous U.S. state with a Pacific Ocean coastline stretching more than 800 miles (1,290 km).

Some job - definitely needs an Arnie to complete it.



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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing



End of post - Arnold Schwarzenegger to the rescue.

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

Holiday resort in Australia has nude party

Bedlam Viewpoint

They say sex sells - anything. So how about pumping up those numbers for your local holiday resorts?

Nude Party

Australia seem to be taking it to heart in a BIG way. The White Cockatoo resort in Queensland are about to launch a month-long, nude, anything-goes party.

The White Cockatoo? I wonder if they realised the connotation before they decided on the venue? If the nude party goes on for a whole month they might think of changing the resort name to A Sunburnt Cock-or-two!

WOW! Month-long! The mind boggles. Some stamina flying around there by the sound of it. Oh to be young again.

Best left covered

The resort chiefs are trying to combat an expected economic downturn by giving the green light to sex. Nude bodies will abound and anything goes - just imagine all that romping, cavorting, nakedness - mind you, some bodies are best left covered, don't you think.

I think I'd better have a cup of tea to calm me down - well a coffee and brandy.




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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing



End of post - Holiday resort in Australia, has nude party

Monday, 1 December 2008

Benidorm cooks the golden goose

Bedlam Viewpoint



How to kill off tourism in one stroke
.
There’s something drastically wrong with Spanish logic – if it exists at all. I don’t think I’ll ever get my head around it. In particular, the Spanish in the Valencia region seem hell bent on killing the goose that lays the golden egg.

In strained financial times, you’d think the councillors of Benidorm would do something to attract visitors. Not so! In fact, the latest piece of stupid legislation is beyond belief. This week, the Council are thinking of introducing fines for people using the beach ‘in an inappropriate way’.
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Don't dare walk on the sand
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The Council has decided to introduce fines of up to 750 euros for ‘offenders’ who have the audacity to WALK on the beach between the hours of midnight and 07:00hrs because they will have swept the sand and don’t want the looks spoiled.

If you go for an early morning swim (after 07:00 hrs of course), make sure your umbrella is not near the water’s edge otherwise you might be fined 150 euros.

Fines for playing ball
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Fancy building a sand castle? A fine of 120 euros will now punish this decadent form of recreation. Fined 120 euros for building sandcastles, are they bloody mad! Playing ball will incur a similar fine. The staggeringly stupid Council seem intent on strangling the ’golden goose’.

They absolutely piss me off!
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Law is corrupt
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When are those in charge going to realise that without tourism the area will die. The Spanish have already shown absolute contempt for ex-patriots with the legally corrupt Valencia land grab laws. Now they believe they owe nothing to tourists. This sort of attitude not only displays an absolute lack of intelligence, it is sheer, bloody, arrogance. The sole reasons for their wealth is tourism and ex-patriots. Yet, they abuse both at every opportunity.

As far as I can see, the Spanish deserve to lose it all. I wish them misfortune.

My advice is DON’T COME TO SPAIN FOR YOUR HOLIDAYS OR TO LIVE – the Spanish don’t want you.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing
End of post - Benidorm cooks the golden goose

Sunday, 30 November 2008

X factor and Ruth Lorenzo

Bedlam Viewpoint.


I'm so pissed off with X factor and those who follow it. Howcome a bit of a kid whose only talent appears to be a likeable natue (Oeghan) can get through, whilst someone with enormous talent and an incredible voice (Ruth Lorenzo) gets knocked out.

Don't get me wrong - I'm no Spanofile - I live in Spain, and am fast coming to believe the Spanish suffer with endemic corruption. I wish something would happen to change my mind, but corruption seems to be rampant - it's in local authorities, mayors - and worst of all, Valencia land laws.

The land law is so fraudulent it's unbelievable. Wherever you look - the ridiculous willingness to rip off the very people who bring wealth to the country is beyond credence - but talent? Ruth Lorenzo has an incredible voice. She didn't deserve to be knocked out.

I hope she find success elsewhere. She can't help legal corruption in her country.

  • Next post on Bedlam - Joke.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Joke - The cowboy and the tax officer

Bedlam Humour

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the western plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst.

He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden; he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie.

But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing a Tax Office ID badge on the edge of a sultry dress. There's a calculator in her breast-pocket, just covering a nipple. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie... 'You know how I work. You have three wishes.'

'I'm not falling for this.' said the cowboy. 'I'm not going to trust a Tax Office genie.'

'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, considers her volputuous figure and decides that the genie is right. 'OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.'
 
POOF The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'
 

He eyes her over again. She is the sexiest thing he's seen in an age. 'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'
 
POOF The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'

He thinks now that he might just be in with a chance, after all she does seem to be rather obliging and it's been a long time since he's been with a woman. After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'

POOF He turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's bound to be a string attached .




End of the post - Joke, The cowboy and the tax officer

Joke - The day the penis asked for a raise

Bedlam Humour.

I've just read a brilliant joke on another website I visit from time to time. I couldn't stop laughing.

It starts off like this

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
  • I do physical labor.
  • I work at great depths.
  • I plunge head first into everything I do.
  • I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
  • I work in a damp environment.
  • .......
  • Now I'm not going to tell you any more - but there's loads - and it gets funnier. Visit the site 'Life of a Writer' to see the rest.

    I'm sure you'll enjoy it just like I did.



    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

    Ened of the post - Joke - The day the penis asked for a raise

    Monday, 24 November 2008

    Tequila, the diamond drink.

    Bedlam Viewpoint.






    Tequila

    I’ve always thought tequila a gem of a drink. I love the stuff. Now I’ve officially been proved right.

    Hubble Bubble Toil and Trouble

    Physicists from the National Autonomous University of Mexico have made an incredible discovery. Perhaps we should call them alchemists not physicists, because they’ve managed to turn tequila into diamonds.

    What I want to know is, did someone just sit down after having had a skinful one night and say, 'I think I'll invent a way to make diamonds' or was it discovered by accident? How do these things happen?

    Synthetic

    The end result could have many industrial uses. There is a catch, however. The synthetic tequila diamond crystals are too small to be turned into jewellery.

    Still I was right after all. I just hope they've left enough for me to drink....


    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing


    End of the post - Tequila, the diamond drink.

    Sunday, 23 November 2008

    The Stradivarius secret unlocked

    Bedlam Viewpoint.





    Stradivarius unlocked.


    Drink....Drugs.... Funny mushrooms? Has the Stradivarius secret finally been unlocked?


    Some experts suggest the secret behind a Stradivarius violin is in the varnish…. except studies have showed Stradivarius used ordinary furniture varnish. Some believe the wood used in making the instruments was treated to protect it from woodworm and fungi, and this gave it the inimitable sound.

    Stradivarius Mushrooms

    Whatever, it’s all to no avail, because a Swiss researcher has hit on an unlikely way of recreating the unique sound. He treats the wood of a replica instrument with mushrooms and away he goes…. a Stradivarius.

    Is this what Stradivarius did? Were funny mushrooms behind it after all? I know they were popular in the sixties and things sometimes sounded strange after a few musicians experimented, but surely, that was down to them being blown out of their minds.

    Maybe it affects violins as well…. Or maybe the fumes just make the player better…. Or did Stradivarius just eat them before making his instruments!!!!

    Way to go man...





    • Next post on Bedlam - Joke.


    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing



    End of post - The Stradivarius secret unlocked

    Saturday, 22 November 2008

    Joke - A Scottish short story

    Bedlam Humour.



    Another joke from my friend Jack Chambers. He seems to have an endless supply.








    A dowdy looking bloke walks into a Glasgow library. It's posher than he
    expected and he eyes it over. Eventually he walks to the reception desk and says
    to the prim librarian: 'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?'

    To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her
    glasses and says, 'Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!'

    Related posts - More jokes .


    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing




    End of - Joke, a Scottish short story

    Friday, 21 November 2008

    SCHERERVILLE, a family of drunks and their baby

    Bedlam Viewpoint.

    SCHERERVILLE, Indiana, state police said that after a mother was arrested for driving whilst under the influence of drink, the kith and kin that came to pick up her 1-year-old son had been drinking as well – all three of them.

    A family thing

    An officer stopped the original vehicle for speeding early Saturday morning in Schererville in northwestern Indiana. He arrested the 24-year-old woman on a drink-driving charge.

    The boy's father arrived later to pick him up, but officers determined he was drunk as well and also arrested him.

    Police said the boy's grandparents then arrived. Both of them had also been drinking, but the grandmother who was driving was not over the legal limit, so officers escorted them home with the child.

    What a state of affairs! Just who was supposed to look after the child? Poor little buggar! Maybe we should have laws against child-minding whist under the influence ….



    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

    End of post - SCHERERVILLE, a family of drunks and their baby

    Wednesday, 19 November 2008

    Beijing and Woeser's writing

    Bedlam Viewpoint.

    So! You think you have it bad, as a writer. You think you have to struggle - read this and think again.

    Devotion to writing.

    In Beijing - Woeser's devotees have cause to be extremely worried that she'll soon be thrown into prison for her outspoken words..... Now that's devotion to writing...

    The celebrated Tibetan writer has sued the Chinese government. She's scrutinizing the March uprising in Tibet. She speaks about the repression that a lot of Tibetans feel, which contravenes the official line that they like Chinese rule – and all of this from a modest, high-rise apartment in Beijing.

    Prohibits her work.

    The government there prohibits her work. However, from Tennessee to Tibet, her fans hang on every unofficial poem, essay, and blog. To them, she endangers her life to tell the "real" Tibetan story – a narrative that unites the Tibetan community even as it diverges over politics, a hot topic this week at a rare summit in Dharamsala, India, called by the Dalai Lama.

    Would you do it?

    My writing is important to me, but I have to ask myself what I'd do in a similar situation. Would I martyr myself for a belief, for a cause?

    Would you?


    • Next post on Bedlam - Joke.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing


    End of, Beijing and Woeser's writing

    Tuesday, 18 November 2008

    Joke - How Adam got Eve.

    Bedlam Humour.

    Here's another joke sent in by my friend Jack Chambers.

    She'll be called Eve.

    Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. God asked him, "What's wrong with you? Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman and would be called Eve.

    He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you!”

    Adam was amazed. “Wow! Sounds good to me.”

    No headaches.

    “She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it"

    Adam smiled warily and asked God, "So, what will a woman like this cost?"

    God replied, "An arm and a leg."

    Adam was crestfallen, after all his arms and legs were important. He’d miss them. He asked carefully, "What can I get for a rib?"

    The rest is history............!!!!





    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing


    End of, Joke - How Adam got Eve.

    Monday, 17 November 2008

    MaryJo Dawson, The Death of Amelia Marsh

    Bedlam Review.


    MaryJo Dawson, The Death of Amelia Marsh
    .
    MaryJo Dawson, novelist, and writer of the mystery "The Death of Amelia Marsh" intends to sign books and be available to discuss her latest book on Thursday, 18th November.
    .
    The Public Library plans to host to the visit, whilst delegates from the bookstore, Barnes and Noble, will be available to process sales of the novel.
    .
    Her stopover will run from 6 to 8:30 p.m. Thursday in room 331 of the Civic Center, 7501 E. Civic Circle.
    .
    Obstetrical nurse.
    .
    Dawson is an obstetrical nurse, and has practiced both abroad and in 11 states for more than 20 years.
    .
    She now lives in Prescott Valley with her husband and serves on the board of Hannah's Home, a non-profit organization working to set up a maternity home for teens in the tri-city area.
    .
    • Next post on Bedlam - Joke.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing
    End of - MaryJo Dawson, The Death of Amelia Marsh

    Wednesday, 12 November 2008

    Joke - Female Compassion

    Bedlam Humour.

    This joke was sent to me by my good friend, Jack Chambers.

    Female Compassion.

    Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carol That the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

    Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, 'Darling, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?' Carol agreed and again they made love.

    Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carol 's shoulder and said, 'Darling? Please? Just one more time before I die?' She agreed, and then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.

    Barry, however, lay there awake and listened to the clock ticking in his head, tossing and turning until he was down to only four more hours.

    He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. 'Darling, I only have four hours left! Could we...?' His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, 'Listen, I'm not trying to be funny, Barry, but I have to get up in the morning - you don't......'
    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    Related posts - More jokes .

    Monday, 10 November 2008

    The Frenchman, a toilet, and his mobile phone

    Bedlam Humor

    In the shit. I had to laugh when I heard about this - but it's TRUE, honest. Not a joke.
    A rather dejected Frenchman delayed a train by two hours after he got his arm trapped in the toilet trying to rescue his cell phone.
    I ask you! Who in their right mind puts their hand in a toilet for a mobile phone. The damn thing isn't going to work afterwards. 
    It seems he was a passenger on a crowded high-speed train from Paris to La Rochelle. A feature of train's toilets is a powerful suction discharge system. Unhappily, the system ended up sucking the man's arm in after he probed around in it to retrieve the cell phone.
    It took fire officers an hour to rescue him from the train. He was eventually carried out on a stretcher - with the toilet still stuck to his arm. They proceeded to cut him loose from the toilet on the platform.
    Besides predictable bruising and an unfortunate but disgusting smell, the man is reported to be ok.
    Can they remove the shit from his brain as well, I wonder?

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    End of - The Frenchman, a toilet, and his mobile phone

    Saturday, 8 November 2008

    Lynn O'Shaughnessy

    Bedlam Review.



    Book Signing


    Students in San Diego take note.

    Lynn O'Shaughnessy, writer of The College Solution: A Guide for Everyone Looking for the Right School at the Right Price, will host a book signing at Barnes & Noble in Grossmont Center in San Diego on Saturday, November 8 at 4 p.m.

    Inflation

    Her recent book, aimed at millions of teenagers and their families, examines the issue of placements into college and how to finance it. With college costs greater than the inflation rate, it becomes more demanding every year.

    A useful book. The world needs more of them.


    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing


    End of - Lynn O'Shaughnessy

    Friday, 7 November 2008

    Miserable? Then let's have a smart meal out.

    Bedlam Review.



    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    Smart meal out.

    Whenever I feel disjointed,or miserable, or too 'can't be bothered to even pass wind', I treat myself to a really smart meal out.

    A great meal is guaranteed to lift my spiirits.

    One top-of-the-list restaurant, which gives me the feel-good factor, is The Puerto Blanco Restaurant at Calpe.

    Look at the picture .... See what I mean! And the food .... Out of this world.

    Fancy joining me?


    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

    End of - Miserable? Then let's have a smart meal out.

    Thursday, 6 November 2008

    Bogus charity street collector

    Bedlam Viepoint.

    I instinctively distrust them! Now I know I was right to do so. I hate giving to street collectors. I have my own list of favourite charities, and don't need approaching in the middle of a street to give to them. I give without being asked.

    Jailed

    A jobless animal rights activist, was detained in Stoke-on-Trent for using thousands of pounds from street collections. What did he do with the precious funds? He financed his damn pop band and supplemented his lifestyle.

    He’s now been jailed for 15 months.

    Lee Devenport, who tricked the community out of more than £8,000, was convicted of fraud following a seven-day trial in September.

    Council Permit.

    The 41-year-old, from Watling Street, Bury, was detained in Hanley on July 10 last year after erecting a stand without a council permit.

    Devenport, who was handing out home-made newsletters in return for cash, fraudulently claimed he was working with genuine animal rights organisations.

    Charity my arse!

    I KNOW there are good and genuine people out there, but I can't help but distrust them. Am I so wrong?

    I wonder if he's gone to Sing-Sing?



    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

    End of Bogus charity street collector


    Tuesday, 4 November 2008

    Late library book

    Bedlam Post.

    Just a little late perhaps?

    A library book borrowed from a Tulsa high school in 1947 has been sent back — with a $250 cheque to cover arrears.

    Holland Hall School librarian, Betty Niver, claims the book, New Word Analysis: Or School Etymology of English Derivative Words was mailed to the school by Martha McCabe Jarrett.

    Martha, of Venice, Fla., was a sophomore, when she borrowed the book 61 years ago at what was then Holland Hall School for Girls. Apparently, it came to light whilst she was cleaning out her home in Ohio.

    Talk about honesty! How many other people would have done the same?




    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing


    End of post, 'Late library book'.

    Anthony James Barnett - author of Without Reproach.

    Thom Gossom Jr.

    Bedlam Post.

    For all you guys who reside in the area of Auburn University a treat is in store.

    Actor and author, Thom Gossom Jr., a 1975 graduate of Auburn University, will read from his memoir "Walk-On" 6 p.m. -7 p.m. Thursday at Auburn University's Jules Collins Smith Museum of Fine Art.

    And it's free.

    Thom Gossom, a football player, was the first black athlete to graduate from the university.

    He was Auburn's second black scholarship player, James Owens being the first. Both played for Ralph Jordan.

    Gossom has been selected to act in several movies such as "Fight Club" and "The Chamber." Fame indeed. Born in Birmingham, Alabama, Thom Gossom Jr. obtained a degree from Auburn University, and his masters from the University of Montevallo.

    After the readings, Thom will be on hand to sign copies of his book.



    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing


    End of - 'Thom Gossom Jr.'

    Anthony James Barnett - author of Without Reproach.

    Monday, 3 November 2008

    Simon Cowell discarded by partner - American singles, watch out.

    Bedlam Post.

    Can this be true? American singles watch out if it is. If he's loose and free, YOU might be his next target ...

    Simon Cowell has apparently said he’s relieved after being discarded by his partner of six years. The 49-year-old music entrepreneur reportedly said, 'Thank God' after TV presenter Terri Seymour said it was over.

    'She has been a weight around his neck for a long time,' said a friend.

    Has she? Sounds like a whole bag-full of sour-grapes to me. Haven't we all claimed the same at some time or other to save face? I can hardly see Simon Cowell being backward at coming forward if he wanted to end the affair. His outspoken approach is infamous.

    Mind you, he does seem to have taken rather a fancy to the voluptuous Spanish contender for the crown... So maybe it might not be an American single he's looking for....

    Whatever, I think it's horrible to hang your dirty washing in public. I hope Terri Seymour makes a million out of it. I wish her well.






    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

    End of post - Simon Cowell discarded by partner. American singles watch out.

    Anthony James Barnett - author of Without Reproach.


    Friday, 31 October 2008

    Andrew Porter to read at Gettysburg College

    Gettysburg College.

    For those of you lucky enough to live, or be staying, around the area of Gettysburg College, the Writing House is about to support a reading by author Andrew Porter Nov. 6.

    The reading is scheduled for 8 p.m. in Pennsylvania Hall's third-floor Lyceum. A soirée will follow the reading.

    The event is free and open to the public and the author's book will be available for purchase.

    Andrew Porter

    A resident of Lancaster, Pa., Andrew Porter is an assistant professor of English and creative writing at Trinity University in San Antonio, Tx. He is a graduate of the Iowa Writers' Workshop, and his award-winning fiction has appeared in "One Story," "Epoch," "The Pushcart Prize Anthology" and National Public Radio's "Selected Shorts." His compilation of stories, "The Theory of Light and Matter," has been honored with the Flannery O'Connor Award for Short Fiction.



    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

    Anthony James Barnett - author of Without Reproach.


    Thursday, 30 October 2008

    Caravan dweller's £100,000 wedding

    Bedlam Viewpoint.

    Manual worker?

    Missy Quinn is the rather odd name of a 16-year-old girl, who lives in a caravan. Her parents are quaintly called "travellers" – when we were kids we used to call them “Irish Tinkers” or “Gypsies” . Her father has a job surfacing driveways. Missy has just got married. Now here’s the REALLY odd thing – the wedding cost a massive £100,000 – all paid for by her father.

    Simon Quinn, 35, paid £16,000 for his daughter’s wedding dress, which came with a train 10ft long and so weighty it took ten people to help her out of the Rolls Royce that carried her to church.

    Worth it

    In total, the wedding cost five times as much as the average UK affair. Mr Quinn was adamant that the expenditure was worth it and added: "I'm very proud of her today."

    What I want to know is how the hell does a 35 year old manual worker amass so much money that he can shell out £100,000 for just a wedding? I’ve obviously been doing something drastically wrong.

    Anyone got a shovel….




    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

    End of - Caravan dweller's £100,000 wedding

    Anthony James Barnett - author of Without Reproach.

    Monday, 27 October 2008

    Andrea Hirata to finish writing

    Bedlam Viewpoint.

    Now this sort of thing really pisses me off.

    It appears best-selling author, Andrea Hirata, has decided he isn't writing any more novels after finishing the Laskar Pelangi (Rainbow Warrior) series, with the release of the fourth book Maryamah Karpov in November.

    The 33-year-old author said the popularity he acquired from the success of his novels had become a problem to him.

    Too much attention

    "It turns out that popularity is scary. I don't feel comfortable receiving so much attention from people," he said.

    Poor old Andrea. I feel really sorry for him – Jeez, most people would give their eye-teeth to have the same problem. Oh for the chance….



    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

    Saturday, 25 October 2008

    Sarah Palin strips with humour

    Bedlam Humour
    .

    After the great comic book sell-out of McCain and Obama, I suppose it's to be expected that the great Palin should fall foul to that particular brand of humour.
    .

    The strength of a pitbull

    I think Sarah is probably good material for comedians too. Anyone who display strong characteristics is bound to be targetted..... And you don't get much stronger than pitbulls do you!
    .



















    .
    I hope Ms Palin has a humorous dispositiion!


    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

    Farts keep blood pressure down!

    Bedlam Humour
    Farts.

    A new scientific research paper indicates that the stink of rotten-egg in farts, controls blood pressure.

    The obnoxious smell that all of you produce is caused by the gas called hydrogen sulphide (H2S). The odour will be all too familiar with you guys and gals out there, even if you try to deny it.

    Farts are apparently produced by bacteria living in the gut and the gas eventually makes its way out. Everyone farts – even the Queen of England.

    Blood Pressure

    The new study found that cells lining blood vessels organically produce the gas, and this action actually helps keep blood pressure low by relaxing blood vessels.

    I notice that some of my friends have a more relaxing time than others Lol ... Way to go guys. Next time your fart stinks out the house, at least you can tell your partner you’re trying to keep your blood pressure down.

    Have a healthy stinking fart on me!


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    Friday, 24 October 2008

    Romanian driver does 310 mph.

    Bedlam Humour

    Lewis Hamilton, anyone?

    Anyone up for a super car? I’ll bet Lewis Hamilton will be dead envious of this one.

    310 mph

    A driver in Romanian was astonished when he was given a speeding ticket - for driving his 15-year-old Renault at 310mph. Driver, Toader Moise, 62, had apparently notched up an incredible speed in the narrow, winding streets of the mountain city of Sinaia. 15 years old? How would the lemon law deal with this I wonder?

    Super tuned

    The car, which had a maximum speed of 110mph when it was brand new, is up for sale – Lewis, are you taking note - highly tuned car for sale. You don't need all those super mechanics, just a 62 year old Romanian.

    "It was really hilarious and I think I should get into the book of records with this," he said. "How could I drive my 15-year-old Renault at 310mph when I can barely get her do 70mph?"

    Law is Ass

    Police are look into it to see if the ticket was down to a radar glitch or a blunder by the officer who wrote the ticket, I wonder if the guy will get away with it?

    Maybe the officer should be investigated. How could he possibly have thought it correct - another case of the law being an ass?


    Anita Shreve in Portsmouth



    For those of you lucky enough to live around Portsmouth, NH, there is a treat in store in the form of Anita Shreve.

    Anita Shreve is the celebrated author of fourteen novels, including "Body Surfing," and "A Wedding in December". She has a razor sharp insight into the convolutions of relationships. Shreve is a writer who understands the subtleties of the human mind and heart, and it shows in her work.

    On Tuesday, November 18th, Portsmouth, New Hampshire, the best-selling author will be at The Music Hall, as part of the popular series ‘Writers on a New England Stage’. Shreve will discuss her new book, "Testimony," and her life as a writer.

    I wish her well.


    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

    Thursday, 23 October 2008

    New yoga book from Beth Shaw

    A new book about to be released, called, “Beth Shaw's YogaFit-2nd Edition”, will have you zinging…. they tell me.

    Whether you’re a fitness sage looking for a new challenge or a yoga aficionado looking to complement your exercise routine, "Beth Shaw's YogaFit-2nd Edition" will help you achieve your physical potential .... apparently.

    This avant-garde fitness program blends tough aerobic exercise with strength and flexibility, building yoga to create a total-body workout ..... they say….

    The book presents more than 85 YogaFit poses organized into workout routines that people can use every day…. wow…. what can I say.


    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

    Wednesday, 22 October 2008

    Tim McGraw writes children's book

    It seems we have another celeb, muscling in on the writing world.

    Country singing star Tim McGraw has discovered the difficulties that come with being a dad to little girls, thanks to daughters Gracie Katherine, 11, Maggie Elizabeth, 10, and Audrey Caroline, 6.

    Based on his experiences of trying to make his children happy, Tim has co-written a new children's book entitled My Little Girl, released today in stores. The book follows a child named Katie and her father as they spend the day together doing nothing special, but at the same time enjoying quality time with one another.

    There you are. I don’t blame him one bit. The gripe I have is the certainty that his book will be a success, whilst writers, with good credentials and years of experience struggle to make a dime. It hardly seems fair.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
    To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
    Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

    Tuesday, 21 October 2008

    Arvind Adiga and his next book

    A mere three days after he picked up the prestigious Booker prize for his first novel 'The White Tiger', Arvind Adiga announced his second novel is almost ready.

    Though he wouldn't give any details about the forthcoming book, he said, “I like books that have ideas in them and that move and that entertain.”

    The White Tiger is a extreme page turner, highly original, showing "the dark side of India". Adiga, who is 33 years old was also the youngest author on the shortlist of the Booker prize.

    It seems he might be heading for a second….

    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    Real Costa Blanca - Exploring The Real Spain
    Lens Coating - What Everybody Ought To Know
    Writing Story Dialogue - 12 Cool Secrets

    Sunday, 19 October 2008

    Noise pollution again!

    Bedlam view

    The bastards have been at it again!

    We came in late last night after a good night at La Luna, Alcalali. I suppose we arrived home around 01:45hrs, watched a smatter of recorded TV with a last drink then hopped to bed.

    Could we sleep? Could we hell.

    All the doors were closed, the windows closed, the wooden shutters to the window tightly closed, but could we sleep?

    1.5km away

    The daft bastards down in the village were having a fiesta again. NOT that I begrudge a bit of good time and all that, but the bloody village is 1.5km away from us in a straight line, and the racket STILL kept me awake.

    It's ridiculous! How CAN they possibly stand such volume of shit, so late at night? I don't even know how they can produce such noise. It went on until the extremes of morning -probably around 06:00hrs. I lost track. My nerves were shattered.

    Telekinesis

    I hate the bastards for it. Why can't they be like NORMAL people? I tried using mind over matter to bring on rain - it didn't work. I tried to blow up their equipment by telekineses - it didn't work, I just lost sleep. Why-oh-why do the Spanish tolerate so much noise?

    You can't tell me it's tradition. The equipment to generate such high volumes of noise simply wasn't available traditionally. Tradition would have been brass bands, a bit of umpah - quite acceptable. Modern bands, pumping out millions of watts of shit, simply IS NOT tradition.

    The bloody councils seem to think tourists want garbage pumped at them for entertainment, there's no other reason to allow it. They're thinking with their pockets again.

    Well listen Mr. Councillor, PEOPLE DON'T WANT THE SHIT NOISE! Think about the poor pensioners in the middle of the village instead of the money you're making. What do older villagers think? Have you thought about asking them?

    Well I asked and do you know what the answer was - "What can we do. It's what the youngsters want." What the youngsters want -- F*** the youngsters. A whole community arsed about for youngsters. Balls to it!


    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    Real Costa Blanca - Exploring The Real Spain
    Lens Coating - What Everybody Ought To Know
    Writing Story Dialogue - 12 Cool Secrets

    Friday, 17 October 2008

    Country of Choice

    This was went to me by my good friend, Jack Chambers. I think there is a lot of truth in what he says.

    • Country of Choice.

    • "Will we still be Great Britain if we continue to make the changes forced on us by the people from other countries that came to live in Britain because it is merely their Country of Choice?"

    • Christmas

    • "All I have to say is, when will they do something about MY RIGHTS? I celebrate Christmas, but because it isn't celebrated by everyone, we can no longer say 'Merry Christmas'. Now it has to be 'Season's Greetings'. It's not Christmas holiday, it's Winter Break. Isn't it amazing how this winter break ALWAYS occurs over the Christmas holiday?"

    • "We've gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend anyone, that I am now being offended. But it seems that no one has a problem with that. "

    I think Jack speaks for a lot of us. There is way too much political correctness being forced on us by small-minded do-gooders.

    Maybe I can voice my own opinion on the matter and put it in the technical and grammatical terms it so rightly deserves. Do-gooders, PISS OFF!

    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    Real Costa Blanca - Exploring The Real Spain
    Lens Coating - What Everybody Ought To Know
    Writing Story Dialogue - 12 Cool Secrets