Wednesday, 2 November 2016

Senior Passwords....

Bedlam

This joke was sent in by Malcolm and Gina Shenton, from North Wales


SENIOR TRYING TO SET PASSWORD


WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
  
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. 
USER: boiled cabbage 
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 
USER: 1 boiled cabbage 
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 
USER: 50damnboiledcabbages 
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 
USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages 
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 
USER: 50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss! 
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. 
USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCab bagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow 
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

Tuesday, 1 November 2016

Mas y Mas Supermarkets in Spain are Filthy Bastards

Bedlam

Please note

If I am ill tomorrow or early next week, please note that today, I consumed an unhygienic apple.

It was purchased from those dirty bastards at Mas y Mas supermarket in Jalon (Xalo), Alicante, Spain, who insist on plastering filthy, arse-hole, sticky labels on some of their fruit, thus encasing any dirty-shit bacteria that is present, onto the surface.

Why do supermarket managers persist with such filthy, disgusting habits?

Get wise, Mr Manager at Mas y Mas Supermarket, Avinguda Rei Joan Carles I , 43
03727 Xal├│, Spain

Stop plastering fucking sticky-shit bacteria on your fucking fruit. Your habit is bloody disgusting. 

Keep fresh fruit clean



Tuesday, 18 October 2016

The Sex Hypnotist

Bedlam Humour

Here's a joke from John and Maureen Evans from Alcalali, Spain.

A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches I've been  having all these years? Well, they're gone.' 
'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?' 
His wife replies, 'Margie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, 
' I do not have a headache  I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache. Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone.' 
'Well, that is wonderful' proclaims the husband. 
His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?' 
Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.' 
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.  
His wife says, 'WOW! - that was wonderful!' 
The husband says, 'Don't move! I will be right back.' He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. 
The wife sits up and her head is spinning ' OH MY GOD ' She proclaims. 
Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.' With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom,
she sees him standing at the mirror and saying. 'She's not my wife, she's not my wife, she's not my wife, she's not my wife '
 
His funeral service will be held on Saturday.